It's been just over 2 years. 2 years one month. Since I left London, my home for a year, my favorite place in the world. I miss it so much. I have days where I don't think of it at all. Then I have days like today where I look up my favorite places, talk to London friends AND use google maps to follow my route or look at my favorite park. It's been rough. Being in California hasn't always worked out-it's been a rough 2 years. I haven't had steady work, I have stayed in the same place for long, I haven't been very happy. California is feeling less and less like home. And I know that soon (maybe within a year or two) I will return to Seattle and start my life there. I miss my family when I am in CA and I miss my friends when i'm in WA. Neither way seems best. But I feel like i'm losing my closeness with CA. It's beautiful and I have friends here but they have had to move for what they think is best in their life and I might be next. Honestly Costa Mesa has always felt like home but not enough to beat out Seattle. And yes I am still hoping that there is a great job opportunity with a sponsored visa in London but that doesn't seem very realistic. Although I still hope every day for a few more years in London. So I will stay in CA, try to get back to London for awhile and end up in Seattle. There's the life plan. I also play to teach English, join the Peace Corps, and do other amazing things with my life. I want to put this last year with all of its challenges and frustrations behind me. But for now I am wondering what the future holds, where my path is going to go and what I'm going to do with my life. Hoping to move forward and see things for what they are, gain perspective and find happiness. It's all anyone wants.
But I'm beginning my 3rd year away from London and it's harder than I ever imagined to be away from it. I didn't think I would still miss it. Still want to go back even now. Still wonder if I made the best decision in leaving. So hopefully my path will get me back to London, will help me see friends, maybe find a job for awhile. To keep my family close and that my friends always know I care deeply for them.
Re reading this blog makes me happy and sad. I loved the adventure I had and yet I want more. I want so many things to change, and so many things to start, and things to make sense. I will continue to miss London so much and hope that I get to step foot in that beautiful city again. Only time will tell. And I hope it starts talking.
